Lou Vegas: A Night at the Racino

Ok, y’all, Derby City Gaming feels a lot like a casino. There aren’t games like blackjack or roulette; it’s all slot machines, but the slot machines seem normal, I guess. (I admit that I am not well-versed in the genus and species of different slot machines). I need to go back and investigate the question of where historical horse races enter the equation, because I didn’t see any of them. The cocktails were great there and I know now that next time I need to find answers to my questions before the dirty martinis start flowing.

There’s a show that’s always on when I’m getting manicures at First Lady Nails. The show is called Let’s Make a Deal, and it’s absolutely awful. I cannot watch it. I have to avert my eyes.

Let’s Make a Deal stresses me out because there’s zero strategy to it. The people show up in outlandish costumes, and they’re all excited, and they tell a little bit about themselves—I always like the people. And then the contestants have to pick between two prizes, having no idea what either will be. And one will be $20,000 and one will be $20. Or it will be either a brand new kitchen or a “one carrot ring” with an actual carrot on a ring. A carrot. That was the absolute worst. It wasn’t funny; it was just cruel.

I have gotten to the point where I will look in any direction except at the tv when that show is on.

Playing the slot machines felt a lot like Let’s Make a Deal to me, because of the lack of strategy. I couldn’t tell a winning screen from a losing screen, or distinguish any discernible pattern of what I was supposed to want to happen with the machine. It felt like just giving $35 away for a few confusing games, in which I didn’t know what winning or losing looked like, and then cashing in my winnings of 30 cents. (And that’s definitely what losing looks like).

I had fun with my friends. The cocktails were great and I laughed a lot. Jenks stalked a cute Uber driver and Lauren thought we were in Southern Indiana and there were tutti fruity shots involved. (I wore this dress from Anthro). But I am not a slot machine person, I guess.

Am I just unlucky at slots, or did I give up too soon? Do people actually have an experience like mine and continue to play the slots? Or is everyone winning but me? I guess I’m a Kentucky girl through and through, because I will take a horse race any day of the week over slots. And guess what—the racino does have off-track betting! I know where I’ll be next time I go—after I find answers to my pressing questions of legality, and grab my dirty martini—in that order.

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